Go Time Machine, Go!
[The year is 2002. Joe and Deena have stumbled upon what appears to be a Time Machine in the woods. Despite Deena's protests, Joe goes inside, and enthusiastically convinces Deena to join him. And then...}
Deena: Is this real?
Joe: I don’t know.
Deena: Is this from the Future?
Joe: Probably.
Deena bursts out laughing.
Joe: What?
Deena: I just hit that red button with my elbow.
Time Travel noise. Lights dim. Pause. Ebulon and Orias enter right. See Time Machine.
Orias: What is this doing here?
Ebulon: Come on, we’d better go back.
They exit left. The stage transforms into a Spacious, Neo-Modern Apartment.
Meredith and Walker Are seated casually on a couch, watching the time machine expectantly. Meredith holding a glass of wine. Sips.
Pause.
Deena: What just happened?
Joe: I think we traveled through time.
Deena: I told you not to get inside!
Joe: Hold on, let me check.
Joe gets out of the time machine. Stands. Regards Meredith and Walker.
Meredith: Who are you?
Joe: Joe.
Meredith: I’m Meredith.
Deena crawls out of the time machine.
Deena: Hi.
Joe: This is Deena.
Meredith: Meredith.
Pause.
Joe: Where are we?
Meredith: This is Beth’s apartment. The Year is Two thousand Eight.
Pause.
Joe: Who?
Meredith: Stay calm. (To Deena) Why were you using the Time Machine?
Deena: I hit a button with my elbow.
Deena: Red, by the door.
Deena: I think so.
Meredith: I’m sure it’s fine.
Meredith: Don’t flip out, you might be imagining it.
Meredith: You’re just going to make things worse. We’ve done enough “fixing.”
Meredith: Don’t get lost.
Meredith holds up her arm.
Meredith: Do you have eyes?
Meredith: So when are you from?
Deena: Two Thousand Two. You?
Meredith: Walker and I built the Time machine in 2012, at the end of time. But we had to travel back here to meet Beth so that she could teach us the mathematical theorems that the machine runs on.
Deena: I’m not following. You built it and then you went back to learn how to build it?
Meredith: Oh, sorry, I’m so used to four-dimensional consciousness, I forget how confusing it is at first. Um…basically that’s just the way it happened to work out. We’ve been at it for a while. You know, back, forward, back, forward, Bang! Oops, back again. Ha-ha.
Deena: Are we still in
Meredith: This is
Deena: Really?
Deena goes to the window to see. Time Travel Noise. Lights dim. Stage clears Left. Time Machine clears Right. Orias, Thigaro, and Beth passing it, toward the Left.
Orias: There goes
Beth: See! He was coming right on time!
Thigaro: Alright! I’m Sorry!
Orias: Maybe we should stop him now.
Beth: I feel like that would make things too complicated.
Orias: You’re probably right.
They exit. Lights up in the mountains. Beth and Thigaro enter Left. They Stop.
Beth: Uh-oh.
Thigaro: Maybe we left it somewhere else.
Beth: No. See the marks in the dirt?
Thigaro: Did it go back without us?
Beth: Wouldn’t they have just sent it back right away?
Thigaro: What do you mean?
Beth: I mean, if it went back without us, wouldn’t they have just sent it back to the exact same time that it left? Why would they leave us waiting? It should be here now.
Thigaro: Maybe they just haven’t sent it back yet.
Beth: This is a Time Machine, Thigaro, there is no Yet. If they ever get it, they would send it back to right now. Which would mean that they never got it. So we’re basically screwed. The Time Machine doesn’t make it home.
Pause.
Thigaro: Not really. I mean, in a worst case scenario – We live here for Six years—
Beth: --You’ve Got to be Fucking Kidding me!—
Thigaro: --No. We live here for Six years, and then in 2008 we show up at the apartment before Ground Zero and stop them from making the mistake.
Beth Gesturing madly at the vacant Time Machine.
Beth: Which we obviously didn’t do!
Thigaro: Maybe we just haven’t decided to do it yet!
Beth: So what, as soon as we decide it appears?
Thigaro: Maybe.
Beth: Okay, well I’m deciding and it’s not appearing.
Thigaro: If we’re going to decide then we should really decide and go do it.
Beth: What? I think you’re going to get us side-tracked. If we ever succeed in any attempt to make the time Machine appear now, it would be here, right? Because we succeed.
Thigaro: But maybe we have to go succeed first!
Beth: Well maybe the reason we don’t succeed is because we get run over by a Bus on the way to the apartment six years from now! I think we should stay. Maybe it will appear if we stay, and don’t make that mistake.
Thigaro: What? You think if we just wait long enough it will appear?
Beth: I think we should wait it out.
Thigaro: I disagree – I think we should go find the young Meredith and Walker Right now, and make sure this doesn’t happen. And then we’ll transfer home.
Beth: Are you making this up?
Thigaro: No. I think we have to go DO something before we lose track of what’s happening.
Beth: Are you Sure?
Thigaro: Yes. If I was wrong, it would be here, right? So we have to go find it somewhere else.
Pause.
Beth: Lets go.
Time Machine noises. Lights dim. Beth and Thigaro clear left. The Time Machine drifts on Right. Lights up.
Pause.
Joe: Wait.
Pause.
Deena: Run for it!
Deena and Joe bolt across the stage. The Apartment reappears. Deena, Meredith, Joe, as they were before. Lights up.
Meredith: This is
Deena: Really?
She goes to the window to see.
Meredith: Yes. It hasn’t changed much. If you have time though, you’ve got to see what they’ve done with Time Square.
Deena: I’d love to. I was born in
Joe: Did you just say Time Ends in 2012?
Meredith: Did I say that?
Meredith: Anywhere?
Meredith: Oh Drat.
Joe: We’re sorry.
Deena: Can’t you just go back and stop us from getting in?
Meredith: No, that would only move you sideways in Time and then you two would be lost instead of Beth and Thigaro. We need to bring them back onto this timeline. We can’t alter the past. Every four-dimensional line has an inevitable end.
Joe: What?
Meredith: We can go backwards and forwards in 5-space by shifting Sideways through the Quantum grid. We can’t alter timelines, we can only hop from one to another.
Deena: Okay.
Meredith is clutching her head.
Meredith:
Meredith: I think you were right. I’m picking up a secondary Ground Zero on this Timeline.
Meredith: I don’t… I think it’s 2032.
Meredith: Apparently it does now.
Meredith: Or worse. Two 5-Space intersections on the same Timeline probably means we’re going to hit Six-Space before we find our way home.
Meredith:
Joe: What are you talking about?
Meredith: We’re used to thinking in Four-dimensions. The Time machine thinks in Five-dimensions.
Joe: I think in three dimensions.
Meredith: Basically we may be so lost that we could conceivably end up anywhere. We don’t know what happens to human beings in the Sixth Dimension.
Deena: Do you have any more alcohol?
Meredith: There’s a bottle of Smirnoff over the refrigerator.
Deena: Thank you.
Deena goes to the kitchen.
Joe: So what are you going to do?
Joe: Who are they?
Meredith: They exist outside of Time. They have 5-D cognition, like the Time Machine.
Deena re-enters with a glass of Vodka.
Joe: Can you take us home first?
Meredith: You should probably come with us. I’m recovering a Memory of the two of you from the Future asking me to take you to see Orias and Ebulon now.
Pause.
Deena: Well. If you’re recovering a memory of us from the future. By all means.
Joe: Sweetie are you okay?
Deena: Oh, I’m fine Joe. This is Fun.
She downs the Vodka. Puts the glass on the floor. Gets into the Time Machine.