Water Buffalo
(Lights up dim, for a romantic dinner. A dinner table with two chairs stands at the center of the stage. Two empty cafe tables with chairs are placed far stage left and right. These tables are bare. Placed on the center table: two glasses of wine, napkins, and a single candle.)
(Uptempo jazz begins. Delila, on the road to enlightenment, enters stage right, holding a mug of herbal tea. She seats herself at the table stage left.)
DELILA: You should have seen her after that first date, Mary. I knew this one was special. She just kept going on and on about his eyes. Of course I wanted to meet him. I said, Eve, you have to invite him over for dinner with us. And when she explained that this “Thomas” didn’t “believe” in social gatherings of that sort, that’s when I knew she was seeing a nutcase. This relationship is not going to work.
(Mary, a young lawyer, enters briskly from stage left, dressed professionally, holding a tall cup of coffee. She promptly sits across from Delila and lights a cigarette, speaks quickly.)
MARY: This relationship is never going to last. Oh, I knew she was in trouble as soon as she told me how they met. It’s so CUTE, she said. Please! Delila, can we just discuss how very uncute this man is.
DELILA: Not cute at all.
MARY: Not even a little bit.
DELILA: Well, Eve insists she’s found the love of her life.
MARY: Oh, vomit. How did that happen? You told me Eve was level headed.
DELILA: Eve was level headed. I’ve known her fifteen years, and the girl’s been doing exactly what everyone expected. I think she just got desperate.
MARY: How pathetic. That is not love. I know love, and that man is not it.
DELILA: Well it happened really quickly. They were at dinner - after he picked her up with that Love at First Sight garbage - and she still thought it was all some universal joke. And he trapped her, because he turned out to be sincere. So Eve decided that was reason enough to go crazy. You should have heard her, Mary, going on about his eyes.
(Eve appears stage right, addressing the audience. The two women at the table grow still.)
EVE: But he had amazing eyes. You should have seen them Delila. They sparkled with this – I don’t know – And I didn’t want to believe it at first. But he just kept talking and looking at me, and suddenly it hit me that he was real. He was real and he was brilliant.
(Eve grows still. Thomas enters stage left and crosses to the center table, where he stands still.)
MARY: That’s what she says, anyway.
DELILA: Well I never said I bought it.
MARY: And you know when it ends she’s just going to come running back to us.
DELILA: Honey, she needs us.
MARY: Who doesn’t?
(They grow still, as Adam, a snazzy academic, enters and sits at the table stage right. Eve crosses to sit at the center table.)
ADAM: Thomas never was big on explaining his actions to me. Our conversations didn’t include women. We were too busy in the “higher” realms of thought, as he put it. So when he met this girl, and said he had at last been truly emotionally fulfilled, I believed him. Thomas and I have such an understanding.
(The Flower Vendor enters stage left, and heads for Adam’s table. Meanwhile, center stage, Thomas lights the candle on the center table, and sits.)
FLOWER: Oh I know what kind of understanding you two have.
ADAM: Excuse me, I don’t think the two of us ever had this conversation.
FLOWER: Yes we did.
EVE: Yes you did, at the dinner party.
ADAM: which one?
FLOWER: There was more than one?
ADAM: And what did we say?
FLOWER: I said that you and Thomas were egomaniacal creatures, with no place in that dear girl’s house!
ADAM: You never said that.
FLOWER: Well I was thinking it.
DELILA: And those dinner parties!
MARY: I’ve never been so horrified in my life.
EVE: You have to understand, I don’t think I’ve ever met someone so smart in my life.
FLOWER: Where on Earth did the two of you meet?
ADAM: We studied at Harvard together.
DELILA: Can you believe he went to Harvard?
MARY: I’m just thinking, what does that say about Harvard?
EVE: He is smart. He went to Harvard!
FLOWER: Harvard?
(Thomas and Eve turn toward each other and sip wine. The others grow still.)
THOMAS: I Studied at Harvard for five years.
(Pause)
EVE: No you didn’t.
THOMAS: You’re never going to believe a word I say, are you?
EVE: Well you’re eccentric.
THOMAS: I’m just uninhibited. I don’t let other people become more important than myself. I have desires. I see them fulfilled.
EVE: But everybody has to take other peoples opinions into consideration. That’s natural.
THOMAS: Conformity?
EVE: Conformity makes the world go round.
THOMAS: (laughs) We’d be much better off if everyone just said what they felt. Why be a sheep when I can be a shepherd instead?
EVE: Oh, is that what you are?
THOMAS: I don’t mean to sound arrogant. (He pauses) But I understand things most men couldn’t conceive. That’s the simple truth.
EVE: What kind of things?
THOMAS: All the things you know but wont admit to yourself.
(Thomas silently begins to tell her his many insights. Eve listens, enraptured, as the conversation moves to the tables at either side of the room.)
DELILA: Just because the guy’s an elitist doesn’t make him smart.
MARY: No, no, no, no. She only liked him because he started telling her that she was smart too.
DELILA: You really think that’s all there is too it?
MARY: Hello? The girl has serious insecurity issues. So along comes prince charming to tell her she’s a Goddess among men, and she’s hooked.
DELILA: Um, Eve is not exactly an incarnation of the divine…
MARY: I think that’s why he picked her.
DELILA: He knew that she’d buy it?
MARY: Hook line and sinker.
DELILA: She’s a fish.
MARY: Such a fish.
(They continue to go through the motions of conversation, laughing and scoffing, in silence.)
EVE: I’ve never met anyone who thinks like you.
THOMAS: Dance with me.
EVE: Alright
(Thomas takes her hand and leads her downstage. They begin to dance)
ADAM: He said she was a virgin mind. And, that with his help, she would come to understand great things about life.
FLOWER: Great things, you say? Ha! She knows more than him already. That’s his mistake. He’s a tortured soul, that one – he can’t conceive of her, much less give her what she needs. He won’t give her room to breathe.
ADAM: Thomas is just like me. He’ll let her breathe if she wants to.
FLOWER: No, No, No! He doesn’t know how! And you! You are a bad man.
ADAM: And who were you again?
FLOWER: I’m the flower vendor!
ADAM: Uh-huh.
(They begin a fierce stare-down in silence.)
EVE: The things he said – It was like everything I wanted to say, but couldn’t. We talked for hours. I think that’s why I fell for him so hard, Delila. He had courage—in a sense that we just don’t use anymore. I couldn’t help but admire him for it. But that was just it – someone like him! – he admired me!. He said I was a huge human being. Full of life! I’d never felt so appreciated. And he was a beautiful man. His eyes were alive. I think … I think I’m falling in love with him . I can’t help it. It’s like everything that I ever wanted in a man showed up at my doorstep unannounced. Smart, strong, funny, beautiful, and he loves me. He chose me. Try to understand – I never wanted anything more. In a few hours my life was transformed. Oh my God! Can you imagine? It took him a few hours to sweep me off my feet. I know you don’t understand how I can be so sure of something so quickly. But I love him. I’d do anything for him.
FLOWER: Poor thing. (She exits, stage left)
EVE: I love you.
THOMAS: I know. This is fate. This is the day it all changes.
EVE: I’m scared.
THOMAS: I love her, Adam.
ADAM: What does she do?
THOMAS: She’s a publisher.
ADAM: Can she handle you?
THOMAS: She’ll learn.
ADAM: Then I’m happy for you. (He exits, stage left)
DELILA: Part of me wishes we could just be happy for her.
MARY: Happy that she’s lying to herself?
DELILA: Well suppose it works.
MARY: Well, I’m praying for her.
DELILA: Me too.
(Pause)
MARY: Oh Delila who are you kidding? She agreed to marry him on the first date! That’s not normal. That won’t work.
DELILA: Well, if she was so far gone as to say yes, maybe she just needs this as a good kick in the teeth.
THOMAS: But you are stunningly beautiful Eve.
EVE: No…
THOMAS: You are anxious over your self worth. It’s natural -- but so unbecoming on a creature such as yourself. Eve, don’t live your life by a lie.
EVE: You think anxiety is a lie.
THOMAS: Oh, no, it’s very real. But it can’t be trusted. It prevents man from achieving his full potential. Live without anxiety and live your dreams. Embrace your beauty and be beautiful! You are!
EVE: Well thank you—
THOMAS: Don’t thank me—
EVE: But it’s not that easy. If just anyone could shut off anxiety, everyone would. If you manage to do that, you’re just – I don’t know – ripping yourself away from the rest of humanity, and I think—
THOMAS: Don’t think right now.
EVE: My father used to say that to me.
THOMAS: When?
EVE: Whenever I was having boy troubles. I always wanted to understand why my great romances failed. There’ve been a few notable failures. But dad had this whole thing about there being times to think and times to just feel…
THOMAS: Marry me.
(Pause)
EVE: Okay, Ha Ha. (He stares at her, and does not smile. Pause). Oh my God.
THOMAS: Eve, understand I have nothing to lose by asking. I love you. You are everything I’ve ever wanted. If you end up lacking in certain area, well then I’m willing to work on that. We belong together. You feel it. I see it in your eyes. So the question is a simple one. Do you have the courage to admit it to yourself.
EVE: But…
THOMAS: What - you want to wait? You want to play it safe? Anxiety Eve. Don’t think. No that’s bad advice. Think hard. But think about how little you have to lose. Think back to the last time you felt this way.
EVE: But I can’t answer now…
THOMAS: Oh but you can. Am I wrong? Haven’t you been waiting your entire life to answer that question? Let it go Eve. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want you to be my wife. I have no doubt. And if you look inside, I think you’ll find that you don’t either. Not where it counts. Let me set you free.
EVE: Thomas, please, it just feels too crazy.
(Thomas stands and walks around the table. He takes her hand and bids her to stand. And then he kisses her. She stands still, gazing at him.)
THOMAS: Will you marry me, Eve?
MARY: Not that I want Eve to get a kick in the teeth.
DELILA: No, I love Eve. She’s like a sister. I’m just worried about her.
MARY: Let me tell you, I wouldn’t mind kicking him in the teeth.
DELILA: Maybe you should–
MARY: Oh shit. I’m sorry, Delila, I’m late for a meeting. I’ll see you later, okay hon?
DELILA: Okay. Bye bye.
(Mary rushes off stage left. Delila sits at the table pondering.)
DELILA: I just wish I knew how to take care of her.
THOMAS: Marry me, Eve.
(Delila stands and walks off stage left.)
THOMAS: Marry me.
(Spotlight on the couple. Eve, overwhelmed, stares into Thomas’s eyes for a while.)
EVE: yes.
(Pause)
THOMAS: Yes?
EVE: Yes!
(He kisses her again. Music fades.)
EVE: I love you, Thomas.
THOMAS: No, Eve. I love you.
(Lights to black.)